Ancient Roman Family and Marriage
Early Years
600 BC to about 1 AD - Before the Imperial Age, in very earlyn Roman times, families were organized rather like mini Greek city-states. Everybody in one family lived in one home, including the great grandparents, grandparents, parents and children. The head of the family was the oldest male. That could be the father, the grandfather, or perhaps even an uncle.
Each family had slightly different customs and rules, because the head of the family had the power to decide what those rules were for his family. He owned the property, and had total authority, the power of life and death, over every member of his household. Even when his children became adults, he was still the boss.
But, he was also responsible for the actions of any member of his household. He could order a kid or a grown-up out of his house, but if they committed a crime, he might be punished for something his family did.
In poor families, the head of the house might decide to put a sick baby out to die or to sell grown-ups in his family into slavery, because there wasn't enough food to feed everyone.
A women had no authority. Her job was to take care of the house and to have children.
The Imperial Age: Late 1st century AD to about 500 AD
Things changed very rapidly towards the end of 1st century AD. Although families still lived in one home, during the Imperial Age, women could own land, run businesses, free slaves, make wills, be heirs themselves, and get a job in some professions.
The ancient Romans tried to help their family grow through marriage, divorce, adoption, and re-marriage.
After a divorce, ex-in-laws were still important, as were their children. Adopted children had the same rights as any of the other children, rights based on their sex and age. In addition to wives and children, wealthy ancient Roman homes supported slaves.
Old Age
The ancient Romans greatly respected and cared for their elderly. When the older members of a family became too tired for other activities, they could always play with their grandchildren and great grandchildren, all of whom had all been born under their roof, and would one day be honoring them at the Parentalia, the festival of the dead.
Roman weddings were the source for many of our own marriage traditions. A ring on the third finger of a girl's left hand symbolized engagement. At the wedding ceremony the bride was dressed in white, wore a veil and was accompanied by a bridesmaid.
A Roman girl was considered ready for marriage at the age of 14. Her father would choose a husband and conduct the required arrangements, including the size of the dowry, with the groom's family.
Economic considerations and inter-family relations were far more important than love.
Care was taken in choosing a lucky day that would avoid any ill omens; June was an especially favored month.
A ceremony involving religious elements and the signing of the marriage contract was followed by a feast for all of the friends, relatives and business associates of the two families.
Throughout most of the history of the Roman Republic marriage transferred a woman from the authority of her father to the authority of her husband or her husband's father or grandfather, if he were alive. The senior father was the pater familias who had total control over all members of his family.
In theory that control extended even to life and death, but in reality it was limited to economic matters. The pater familias owned and controlled all of the family's wealth. Any money or property a woman possessed at the time of her marriage passed to the control of the pater familias of her new husband's family.
Towards the end of the Republic and throughout the history of the Empire a new style of marriage became popular in which the woman retained control of her own money. Such a system made divorce a more viable option for women.
Raising the children and managing the home were the most important jobs of a woman. In the poor families she would have to do the work herself, but in middle and upper classes she could expect to have servants and slaves to help.
While romance was seldom a factor in choosing a spouse, love and affection often grew between husband and wife. The legal status of a woman in Rome did not appear to be much better than that of a woman in Athens, but in practice there was an enormous difference.
A Roman wife expected to be the hostess if her husband had friends in to visit, and a Roman mother exercised genuine influence in making family decisions. Her epitaph might praise her spinning and her modesty, but beneath the surface there was a real woman.
Polygomy was outlawed. For the first 500 years in Rome, divorce was unknown. So, a great deal of care was taken selecting a marriage partner. In general, marriage was forbidden between relatives four times removed, and between anyone connected by marriage.
Consent to the marriage had to be shown. Consent was very important and consisted of three steps. First, consent had to be shown in public prior to the wedding ceremony. One way to show consent was for the future bride and groom to appear in public holding hands.
An engagement period before the wedding was considered good manners, but it wasn't a legal requirement. An engagement ring was usual, when affordable. This ring was worn on the third finger of the left hand, as it is today, because the ancient Romans believed that a nerve ran from this finger directly to the heart.
A woman brought into her marriage what goods her family could supply, or goods she could supply herself. The bride's family might provide slaves, clothing, jewels, furniture. These belongings became the property of her husband.
On the night before her wedding day, the bride-to-be gave her bulla (her birth locket) to her father, and gave her toys away to her family. She tried on her wedding dress, which was straight tunic, woven in one piece, which had to be long enough to reach her feet.
On the morning of her wedding day, the bride was dressed by her mother. The most important part of her wedding dress was a belt, tied around her waist in the "knot of Hercules". (Hercules was the guardian of wedded life.) Only the husband could untie this knot. Over her tunic wedding dress, the bride worn a flame colored veil. The veil was topped with a wreath of flowers, which the bride had to gather herself.
The Wedding Ceremony
Only the three acts of expressing consent were necessary. Everything else varied. The actual ceremony was held usually at the bride's father house, with guests present.
There had to be witnesses to the ceremony to make it legal, typically at least ten witnesses. The bride and groom would stand before a priest, hold hands. The bride had agreed to the wedding by appearing in public holding hands with her future husband. Once again, the bride had to consent to the marriage during the wedding ceremony, this time by saying words of consent in public. These words were a chant, and were the same words for all brides and grooms. The bride would say: "Quando tu Gaius, ego Gaia." (When-and where-you are Gaius, I then-and there-am Gaia.) This chant may have been chosen for the lucky meaning of the name.
After the words of consent, the bride and groom sat on stools, facing the alter. An offering was made to the god Jupiter, which usually consisted of cake. Once the priest had made the offering, this cake was eaten by the bride and groom. Then followed congratulations by the guests.
Wedding Dinner
After the actual wedding ceremony, there was usually a dinner at the bride's house or possibly the groom's. Dinner was ended by passing out pieces of wedding cake, as it often is today.
Bridal Procession
After the dinner party, the bride was escorted to her husband's house. This ceremony was essential to the validity of the marriage, so it could not be omitted. Anyone could join the procession, and many people did, just for fun. In the evening, torchbearers and flute players appear at the bride's father's house. The mother held her daughter, and the groom took his bride with a pretend show of force from her mother's arms. Then, everyone and anyone paraded over to the groom's house. On the way, nuts were thrown, rather like we throw rice today.
Arrival at her new home
In front of the open door, the bride once more recited the consent chant. Then the bride was carried over the threshold by her new husband, and the doors were closed against the general crowd. Invited guests, however, could enter. In the fireplace, wood was laid ready for a fire. The bride lit this wood with her "marriage" torch, a special torch that had been carried in front of her during the procession. The torch was then blown out, and tossed among the guests, who scrambled for it, like a bride's flower bouquet is today.
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