Sometimes married people fall out of love with their spouses, and fall in love with another married person, generally someone they have known for years. The karma of the deal ... their spouse is the person they were to have children with, but their lover brings a sense of soul connection, love, great sex, compassion and understanding. Please remember that this soul connection thing is greatly over-rated in 3D, and often is not what people expect it to be. Which karma is more important, spouse or lover!?
Extramarital affairs can last for years, having their dramas not unlike the marriages they are in.
If someone has emotional problems, causing their marriage to fall apart, they will carry much of that with them into the affair.
You are who you are, but you can try to find someone who brings out the best in you, not the worst.
At some point in most extramarital affairs something either 'hits the fan' or one of the lovers decides that the affair will never go anywhere then tries to end the relationship. No matter what ensues, drama will occur and people will get hurt.
Most of the people involved in affairs believe that no one knows what's going on, but trust me, they do!
Many suspicious spouses now catch onto their partner's secret affairs by checking cell phones and email. Now I ask you ... why would you want to stay with a spouse who cheats? Is that their pattern and you have learned to live with it? Many wives complain to me about sexual the sexual addictions of their husband, satisfied outside the home. What about married partners who do the 'gay thing' outside the home and that is the affair in question.
Issues and Drama!
There are many ways ending an extramarital affair can play out...
In the grand scheme of things, one has to wonder ....
Is a relationship with two people at the same time different than having more than one spouse at a time?
Can you find more than one soul connection in a lifetime and want them both in you life at the same time?
Can married people find happiness while in love with another?
The solutions will never be easy and often send people to therapy as they try to do the right thing for all concerned.
Not everyone can handle divorce, which is a painful process, generally involving the 'f' words, family, finances and you know the other one.
Many clients come to me with the following scenarios, letting go of their lover who will not get a divorce and marry them, seeing no future with the person, realizing the lover is lying when they said they were no longer sleeping with their spouse, unable to handle the pressure of the affair any longer, yet knowing that life without their lover will be very painful and empty. A return to a bad marriage is always a major mistake eventually leading to self-destructive behavior patterns, escapism, and mental and physical health problems.
Clients come to me to clarify what is in their best interests, and those of their families, after agonizing over decisions one way or another. Letting go and healing will take a long time and they need me to give them the guidance, strength, and assurance that it is the right thing to do.
There is no easy solution that will bring happiness to all, especially after these affairs have gone on for years, the spouse often knowing the lover and his/her family.
It takes a long time for a married person with a family to get a divorce, after which they may not want the burdens carried by their married lover, and may chose to be free and date others, less encumbered.
Unhappily married people often seek love with someone who will help them share the burdens of their lives. The affair may be rewarding, but divorce then marriage with the lover, may not work out.
Either it doesn't work or it doesn't.
Solutions can only go to the strength, needs and readiness of one, or both, of the lovers to reevaluate their lives, not based on spouse or lover, but personal evolution.
At the end of time, we are all alone on our journeys into awareness, rethinking and reevaluating the decisions we have made in our lives and who we are becoming.
Leaving any relationship that doesn't work, forces one to look at who they really are, perhaps for the first time, as we have come to understand our short comings, work on ourselves in the evolution of consciousness.
You only live once ... in this program. Make the most of it!
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