When Your Parents Do Not Accept Your Friends
"If you give up your drinking buddies son,
you'll turn out to be President just like your dad!"
Can you still hear your father shouting, "He's an idiot. How can you be friends with him? I forbid him to come to this house! He'll get you in trouble."
Or maybe it was your mother who said, "Your friend is nothing but trouble. Listen to your mother, she knows what's best for you!"
There is a part of the human experience that wants to be recognized, accepted, and loved by our parents. It often seems most important. But as we go through life we realize we cannot always please them, even when it comes to the friends we chose. If you are an adult living with parents, this gets messy.
Many parents are narrow-minded, making it difficult to have unity between them and your friends.
As young children, our friends may be imaginary playmates. Hey...many of us still talk to entities who are not in physical bodies. Many parents accept that children communicate with spirits, but some believe that all that is 'real' exists in the physical. How limited is that!! Does that mean I have to give up Z? Actually my mother communicated with Z, automatic writing and art. My father was clueless but never judgmental.
As teenagers your friends may be into attitude and 'party-time', sex, drugs and rock and roll, much to the dismay of our families. Did they party as teens? Could our parents be right in some of those situations?
There are friends who come from the 'wrong side of the tracks' and may seem a bad influence on us by our parents. It all depends on our vantage point and perspective.
As we get older, many people discover that they are gay and would like to bring a friend/lover home. Could your parents handle this? Do they have a choice? It's interesting when the parent who is non-accepting, has latent homosexual tendencies!
What about your metaphysical friends? Your parents may consider these friends crazy when they present their views on life, career and more. Let us meditate on how to handle this....
What about friends who come from different ethnic backgrounds and cultures? Can you be white and have a best friend who is black? Could your parents accept a Jewish friend? We're not that bad!
What about having an adult child who has issues and maintains friendships with people who take advantage of him or her? Oy veh! So how did your child get that way in the first place? Did you do something wrong? Not you! You were a perfect parent! Most dysfunctional people come from dysfunctional homes and attract dysfunctional friends and lovers. Double oy veh!
I have found that parents who do not accept your friends, usually do not accept you and are way too critical and narrow minded. They may feel they have failed you which is why you are making 'wrong choices'. That is probably true in many ways. Parents also have issues, in case you didn't notice.
....So this explains why many people keep their family and friends separate...Who needs the drama!
If you a parent, and your child's best friend is basically a positive influence on their life, it is best to be accepting and not risk losing the love and respect of your child.
We each have a destiny that unfolds as is written. Our friends will play a major part in who we are and how we develop. They are often more important than our families, as we select our friends, which is not true of families. We somehow get born into families, or are adopted into families, who are often are clueless about who we are.
The dynamic between your friends and parents may not be great so try to work around it. As always we seek balance.
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