I live in Brooklyn New York a melting pot of souls and consciousness from around the planet.

Clients often mentioned having 'off the boat' parents ... meaning their parents came here from foreign countries, with different values and standards, their children finding it difficult to make sense of their parents' views on life.

Some of these parents are only in the 40's and 50's, but are not programmed to change with the timelines and evolving values in their new home. This is a difficult challenge for all, which is often not resolved especially as the parents were not programmed to be flexible. I know most of these people, especially men, are not programmed to understand and get help. They remain as they were brought up. Sadly, those values do not work any more than old religious paradigms do. Everything is changing/evolving.

If you are an off-the-boat parent please allow your children to grow in all ways. If you hold them back, they will emotionally sabotage, and the family will suffer. I know you have worked hard to raise your children. In return they want to honor and please you, but don't force them to make wrong decisions. You made mistakes, perhaps they will as they move through life. You can't take away their lessons. Don't force them to marry for the wrong reasons. We know that unhealthy marriages fail and people do not remain with those who are wrong, abuse them or cheat. In today's world, they will one day find their own path, to deal with their inherited emotional problems and issues you helped create. Your children cannot exist in today's world as reflections of you. Respect their differences and don't get angry about it. That helps no one. Understand that counseling can help if you are functional enough to allow it.

If you are the child of off-the-boat parents and seek their love and respect, you must struggle to find a way for your soul to be free, or you will make mistakes in marriage and the way you chose to live your life, eventually, once out of their home, seeking a way to find love and freedom for your soul. For the most part, understand they are not programmed for change, but you are. Do what you must to find balance and happiness today.

The lessons here are about adjusting to the changes in lifestyles that happen to all of each at different stages in our lives. Outmoded values may feel safe as they are familiar, but do not work in changing society.